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Don’t…dismiss someone after just one date! Instead of jumping to a conclusion, consider that the other person may have been extremely nervous or just having a bad day. Unless it is obvious things won’t work out, have a second date to really get a feel for that other person. Many successful marriages all started on a bad first date! Who knows, you could be one of them too, one day. Do…be adventurous! When it comes to planning a date, think outside the box and book an activity you haven’t done before. Need inspiration? Subscribe to the @made_my_date mailing list and let your inbox be filled with fun dating ideas.
Do you have an ex who has been hanging around for years or a f*ckboy that’s been messing with your head? What about those people you text when you’re feeling lonely or bored or who you think you might be interested in someday? I call these people the “maybes:” the exes, previous dates, and “it’s complicated” relationships that didn’t work out the first time around, but you keep their number in your phone “just in case” or are hoping something will change.
Furthermore, a guy who is trying too hard to impress a girl might agree with everything she says, thinking that disagreeing might make the girl not like him. In a nutshell, guys who feel they need to impress a woman think that they are in an inferior position, and as such, they need to do all it takes to measure up. And the downside to this is that it makes you come off as needy. Out of the need to impress, most guys will talk too much about themselves and their achievements, lie to make themselves look good, over-flatter the girl, etc., all of which will quickly make them a bore to the girl. One of the frequently asked questions on Google about dating is “how to get a girl to have sex with you on a first date.” This is one of the biggest mistakes guys make with dating. You see, if your mind is already on how you’ll have sex with a girl right from the first date, that’s going to affect how you relate with her.
Consider a low-key coffee, tea, a walk, or a drink instead of dinner: Instead of meeting for dinner on the first date, choose an activity that is potentially shorter, and more relaxed like a walk or a coffee. That way, if you realize after 45 minutes that you just aren’t compatible, you’re not committed to a longer (and potentially expensive!) dinner that may be unpleasant and awkward for both parties. If the date goes well, you can continue to cocktail or segue to dinner and continue the conversation. While it’s easy to add a snack or a bite, it’s more difficult to extricate yourself from dinner.
The purpose of going on dates, talking to new people, and opening yourself up to meet someone new is not to feed your ego, affirm insecurities, or to find a soulmate ASAP. The purpose is to collect information that will bring you closer to a happy, fulfilling life and to have a good time along the way. Bottom line: It should be fun meeting new people, whether or not a second date follows. If it’s not, take a break from dating to reflect on what you’re really looking for in your dating life.
Many singles are unknowingly sabotaging their own chances of meeting someone great because they’re mentally hung on someone. It could be an ex they can’t let go of, or someone they only know from a distance but are convinced is their happily ever after. Real, lasting love doesn’t happen in your head. And it can be far too easy to get swept away by a fantasy. But these fantasies can hold you back — for example, if you’re still obsessing over the idea of getting back together with your last partner, you may totally miss out on the amazing person standing right in front of you at a party, work gathering, wedding, or another event.
So, what’s your pattern? Do you procrastinate on committing until the other person gets fed up and leaves? Do you get friend-zoned with every woman you like? Do you keep ending up with narcissists, cheaters, or flakes? It’s time to figure out why you’re making these decisions. Once you understand the root cause of your tendencies, you can start making modifications that promote healthier relationships. For example, if you always end up in the friend zone because you don’t have the confidence needed to make a move, then you’ll want to focus on building your self-esteem. By the way — a dating coach can help you with this. I’ve coached many men on being more assertive and self-assured in their dating lives so they can find love, not just friendship, with the woman of their dreams.